i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize