Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
