I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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