so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
