I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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