she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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