Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
