A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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