you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
