Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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