yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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