maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
