Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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