Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
