You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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