I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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