How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
