hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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