well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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