I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need a hoe opinion
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