I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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