ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
