I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
