His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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