I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
