ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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