We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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