I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
