Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
