is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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