you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
