I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
