it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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