Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
