Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
