yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
