he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
