i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
