her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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