there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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