even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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