o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I smell stomach acid.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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