i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
