his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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