the only muscles i have these days is kegels
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
