so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
