If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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