Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize