If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
