k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
