i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
