He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize