hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
