So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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