Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Even my vagina gasped.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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