new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
