You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
