she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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