Will you blow on my dice?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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