so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
