The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
