To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
