my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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