No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
