you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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