I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
