and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
