3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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